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I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
so I got really drunk last night, but I was good and took a bus home. the only problem I have now is I dont remember where I put the keys to the bus.
I pretend I’m taking an important call and use big words when old people walk by so they’ll think the future is in good hands.
An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid.
I like my relationships like I like my eggs: over easy.
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
BEFORE I GET DRUNK, NAKED,THROWN IN JAIL AND LOOSE MY DAMN PHONE. *HAPPY NEW YEAR.
If you don`t like me now, you won`t like me later because I just get worse.
me + you = overpopulation... :) :p
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...
My wife and I are pretty upset. It looks like someone broke in and surfed porn on my computer. They didn`t touch anything else, so that`s good.