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A gun is like a coupon that works anywhere.
I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
I`m an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.
You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores? Same. But I`m in a liquor store.
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
Carfax but for people
Okay kids don`t ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger`s houses except on the day we worship the devil.
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn`t have sex.
Cologne - because people shouldn`t have a choice whether or not they want to smell you.
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."
Today somebody called me a model! Well they said "poster boy for birth control", but I knew what they meant.