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I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
It only takes a second to show a person how much you feel about them. The police call it indecent exposure, but whatever...
This beer tastes like future mistakes.
great minds and dirty minds have something in common, they think alike
A yawn is a silent scream for coffee!
You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period
I don`t know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
He won`t let me complain to the neighbors, so I renamed the WiFi to `SHUT YOUR DOG UP, D!CKS`
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
If you are alone and feeling lonely, fart. Someone always walks in after you fart.
You use Google every day but I bet you can’t remember the order of the colors.
I was doing laundry today and accidentally left out a very large fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can’t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.