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My horoscope started with `are you sitting down?`
I have something on my mind but I am not telling you, Facebook.
WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
I`ll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working...
You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"
I would go for a jog today, but it looks like all of these cupcakes expire today as well.
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
"Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
Don`t forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
Of all the things life has given to me... I would like to return 20 lbs.
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
If we`re in a situation where I am the "voice of reason," then we are in a very very bad situation.
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"