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If suppositories were just a bit smaller, they would be a whole lot easier to swallow...........................
You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
Weather forecast for tonight: dark
The police never think its as funny as I do.
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
The next person I hear say “I love fall” is getting choked out with a scarf soaked in pumpkin spice latte.
The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem.
The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
If your friends don`t make fun of you, they`re not really your friends.
The party`s not over `till you smile for the mugshot
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.
I just heard a woodpecker call me a `paranoid old weirdo` in morse code.