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My neck, My back, My Netflix and my snacks...
You lied....you don`t have a Klondike Bar do ya?
My mother was feeling cold so now I`m wearing a sweater.
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, I’ll ask him; “so how does my lack of progress make you feel?”
Sharing your faith on Facebook is like sharing a fart in a elevator. It might feel nice to come out but no one really wants to hear it.
Unless otherwise stated, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
life is too short to match socks
The only clubs I’m into are sandwiches.
There is no such things as ghosts. I know, I asked Santa Claus
Describe yourself in 3 words". "Not good at following instructions"
Shouting "Not it!" should still make us exempt from doing anything that we don`t feel like doing.
It`s all rainbows and sunshine until he breaks your heart, then it`s voodoo dolls and arson reports.
LIFE HACK: Sneak into doctor`s waiting rooms instead of subscribing to magazines.
I cringe when teens brag about taking girls to pound town because adopting a puppy together is a huge responsibility.