Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If zombies ever do attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership.
Try sliding down a water slide without running water to realize how important foreplay is
Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
There aren’t enough days in the weekend.
That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and then both walk in the same direction..
I wish I could veto MY bills.
The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
Pointing out the food you just dropped on the floor to your dog because you`re too lazy to clean it.
Sorry, I can`t delete any of my voicemails cause then people would be able to leave me a new one
I can`t believe people used to have to paint selfies.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?