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Wine: How classy people get trashed.
So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
If I was a mortician I`d tie the shoe laces of dead people together, so if there ever was a zombie apocalypse it would be hilarious.
Someone asked me why I use the "F" bomb so much. What the F*ck is an "F" bomb?
After dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that`s not done at this hotel....
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.
Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, and you really don`t want to see a lot of it...
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....
If the cupcake has some green sprinkles on it, it`s a vegetable, right?
When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie