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If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn`t 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?
Im thinking about writing a book about my life, I just have to wait for the statue of limitations to expire.
AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask, " Notice anything different?`... works EVERY time
As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass
Who named them veterinarians and not "dogtors"?
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting. I nearly couldn`t finish my sandwich.
I`ve been on a diet for 2 weeks and all I`ve lost is 14 days.
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
Ahhh, the 4th of July. The day where trips to hospital start with the words "Hold my beer and watch this!"
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
If you think you have problems, remember that Malaysian man who told his wife he was flying to China... and now he can`t get out of his girlfriend`s apartment...
Whoever decided to color underpants white was an idiot.
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
Friending someone on Facebook and complaining about what they post is like phoning someone to tell them you don’t want to talk to them.