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Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says "trust me, you don`t want to know."
Marriage tip: Don`t
When bears are around, try to look skinny and they won`t eat you. If that doesn`t work, kick your buddy in the nuts and RUN!
Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those ... Wait ... Two. I have 2 kids.
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
Alcohol increases the Send Button size by 89%.
The sucking moment when you wave to someone & they haven`t noticed you & all are watching you & you feel why you waved in the first place & still you run after the person to stop & say HI
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
I was told that I had an alcohol problem, but I think me and Captain Morgan have it figured out..
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
Cheers to alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of life’s problems!
I have the ability to drive people crazy. I`m not sure if I was born with it or if I learned it. But damn am I great at it.
No matter where you live, there’s always 1 light switch that doesn’t do anything.
Isn’t it funny how people that talk too much also have annoying voices?
Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.