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...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn`t even eat them.
I have a confession to make. I was born with a rare disease called “Amazing.”
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?
It’s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
I`ve been on a diet for 2 weeks and all I`ve lost is 14 days.
When I say I like to travel, I really just mean I like to get drunk in different places.
No means no! Unless she`s dyslexic; then it`s on!
I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they`re going to be talking.
I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t`s totally different.
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.
The sad part about seeing any shopper at Walmart with a blue tooth, is that normally it is that shopper`s only tooth.