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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
"No I don’t need any help. I know more about booze than you do" - Me to the liquor store clerk
I forgot to make a resolution, so I`m pretty much going to just write out everything I did last night and add the word "stop" to the beginning.
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."
Everyone can stop painting. We all have cameras that can take perfect pictures of everything.
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
thinking men should come with a carfax....
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
I eat bananas with a fork, so I don`t look gay.
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this weekend. ;)
It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.
It’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight..