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Sometimes I wrestle with my inner demons. Other times, we just hug.
Cashiers are always checking me out.
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
My wife even says "NO" in her sleep. The force is strong with this one.
It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
Rum balls, rum cake, rum spiked eggnog, rum in fruitcakes...you know, anymore, there`s more of the Captain than of Christ in Christmas...
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
Is there a phobia for leaving the house when your phone isn`t fully charged? There should be.
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"