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I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
Not to brag but when I push it, I push it real good.
"The truth shall set you free"....unless you are in court. Then you should probably shut the f*ck up.
Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend? The one with the "Lazy Eye"? I had to break up with her, she was seeing somebody on the side..........................
There`s 3 ways to get something done: 1. Do it yourself, 2. Hire someone or 3. Forbid your kids to do it.
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
My neighbors complained that I never mow my lawn. So I started mowing. The cops showed up at 3 a.m.. These neighbors are never happy...
I need to find new reward systems besides beer and chocolate.
I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought, "Wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes.
Please ignore this status, I am standing alone and I don`t want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting
I don`t gamble. I don’t drink. My one vice is my iPhone. Well, that and lying about drinking and gambling.
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
Today I think I`ll send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" ...JUST to see how many responses I will get. ;)
My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.