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I’m starting to think that the gym isn’t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.
The most annoying are those people in great shape at the gym…. I’m like, “What are you doing here? You’re done.”
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
Guys... If the girl your getting down with doesn`t even have time to fake an orgasm..... It`s prob best you just make your sandwich
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
Good thing Jan Brady`s older sister wasn`t named Beetlejuice
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
I was looking all over for my ambition today......well, It wasn`t under this 12 pack, so I`ll look tomorrow.
When plastic bags become currency, I will be king.
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
Just when you think someone couldn`t be any more annoying I test your theory.
Day 10: I am thankful there are only 20 days left for all my friends to be thankful about how awesome their lives are.
Whenever I want a klondike bar I just pay for it.