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How can so many movies be “based on real events” when no one farts?
Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
2 cops walk into a bar… I don’t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
I almost got raped in jail last night. My family takes Monopoly very seriously.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
I wonder what it feels like to be wrong.
Remember to make some bad decisions today. 20 years from now that’s all you’ll have to make your kids think you’re cool.
Give a man a fish and chances are you won`t be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
Did you know? If you were to watch all of the Saw films, it would take you 666 minutes?
Bacon...need I say more
One small step for man one giant step for a really small man
People who go rock climbing: you know you don`t have to, right
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
Half a dozen: because “six” is way to long.