Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone’s status.
Teenage girls hang out in odd numbered groups because they literally can`t even.
I`m getting really tired of being really tired of stuff.
Do you know how many poisonous apples I`d have to give out before I was considered to be the fairest in the land?
"How about if I put a balloon over it? Would you touch it then?" -guy who invented condoms
Tonight, I`m bringing Sexy back! I just hope I don`t need a receipt...
I`m just a boy, standing in front of a girl; not listening to a f*cking thing she`s saying. But nodding, lots of nodding.
Flies are everywhere, unfortunately the second I grab the fly swatter, they turn into ninjas.
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children, don’t know very much about children.
Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs
I always reply to my wife’s texts with :0))) I’m not being friendly, I’m discretely letting the fat bitch know how many chins she has.
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.