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I need to find a way to be asleep but still get all my work done.
3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 3 or 4 births before they throw you out.
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.
My wife told me her favourite position is when i lay very very still for a few hours........late at night....until the alarm clock goes off in the morning.
Here Friday Friday...come on...hurry up! Oh no you don`t! You come when I call you damn it! Get your a$$ over here. ... good boy!
Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.
I always tell myself there is no such thing as a stupid question, but everyday someone tries to change my mind
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
Pro Tip: If you knock on the door to a bathroom stall and someone says "one second," wait more than one second before entering.
You might think you`re smart until you try using someone else`s microwave.
My goal today is to turn actions into thoughts.
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol