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If I don`t make at least one person scream, "WTF" then my day is not done yet.
Ya Know, if I was Jessie`s Girl. I would of dumped Jessie for Rick Springfield!!
We can`t cure cancer, diabetes or PMS, but we have 10 different pills to make a mans happy place bigger.
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
No pants are the best pants.
Anybody know where the cheapest place to buy 12 red roses is?.....just asking for a friend.
Someone asked me today if ive ever been with two women at the same time. But why would I want to disappoint two women at the same time?
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
dude i wasent tht drunk you were huging a peice of chese saying ill never let u go sponge bob
My wife treats me like a God…She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something.
Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I’m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
I`m on a whiskey diet. So far I`ve lost 3 days.
Smelling another person should be a choice.
How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Alladin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 200 mph, Sleeping Beauty is lazy, and Snow White lives with 7 guys. We shouldn’t be surprised when they misbehave, they get it from their storybooks!