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If you`re out running in jeans, I`m gonna go ahead and assume you just participated in a felony.
Do you want to know Victoria`s Secret? Their lingerie doesn`t look the same on your girlfriend as it does on their models..
Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you`re angrily chasing him.
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a super-villain.
I don’t think girls realize how handsome my mom says I am.
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
Okay, If we get caught here’s the story…
This year, I`m thankful for all the people that included me in their mass texts wishing me a "Happy Thanksgiving," now I know which numbers to block when Christmas comes around.
"You clean up nicely", is just a polite way of saying, "You usually look like sh!t."
I hope this coffee gives me the energy to look busy all day.
If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?
I wish I was Robinson Cruso. Coz, I can have `Friday` everyday :) TGIF guys..cheers ;)
2015 and I still can`t believe it`s not butter!
What do women want? The opposite of whatever they have.
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.