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People who text back... "kk" ... Are so annoying! ....and almost racist
I met a woman on a dating site that said she was high maintenance when I finally saw her it looked more like she was in need of major repairs
French people give me the crepes.
"Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
That awkward moment, when you wake up with one sock on.
a friend will calm you down when you`re angry a best friend will run beside you with a baseball bat shouting, "somebody`s gonna get it!"
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
The only thing I ever throwback on Thursdays are drinks
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
The most frightening thing about nightmares is realizing that they were created by your mind.
We didn`t take a video recording of our child`s birth but we have some awesome video of his conception.
Can you shut up now?! Because talking to you sounds less appealing then playing leapfrog with unicorns.
Probably a good thing I`m not a ghost cause I`d just stay in the kitchen and scare people then eat all their food.