Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I`m eating here."
I miss the good old days when we blamed Marilyn Manson for all our problems.
Nothing says you`re ugly like Facebook asking, "are you sure you want to make this your profile picture ?"
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....
One time I snuck a whole rotisserie chicken into a movie, cause candy is for amateurs.
Just give me coffee and no one gets hurt.
My wife just opened a jar of pickles by herself and I can`t help but think that my days around here are numbered...
Never underestimate the power of a hug. Or a slap upside the head. Whatever works.
My Living Will says it`s okay to pull the plug on me, but I`d like them to at least try jiggling it a few times first.
I roasted a turkey today, but I don`t think he got the jokes.
You don`t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!
Mirror mirror on the wall, I am sexy; screw you all.