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Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
Every woman in this world is beautiful...........except for the ugly ones!
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks, “why don’t you eat all the food?”
A pessimist thinks that all women are sluts. An optimist hopes that they are.
How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way ... Through the driver’s door.
I heard she was born naked!! That slut!
Whenever being single gets me down, I like to close my eyes, take a deep breath and then go do whatever I want pretty much nonstop.
sorry abaut the message I sent you last night, my phone was drunk!
It’s too bad that it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
Rump roast is called rump roast because nobody would eat it if it was called cow`s ass
Better late than pregnant.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell. :)
The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.