Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
I’m sick of closing out every job interview with “I was young. I needed the money.”
I`ve been wondering, If poison goes out of date and expires, does it become more or less deadly?
I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
My dentist just told me I need a crown..... I know, right??
Velcro is a ripoff
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
If by "help decorate the tree" you mean drinking beer on the couch yelling out everything you`re doing wrong, then yeah, count me in.
How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with hope that it might magically solve her problems.
When I bang my toe against something it`s like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know
Don`t understand how you can forget about someone you loved so much. Like that time my mum drove off and left me in the supermarket car park
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.