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It`s true alcohol kills people, but how many are born because of it?
I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
Difference between men and women: Women can change their mind whenever they want. Men can change their mind whenever the woman wants.
The real problem with this generation is that the cartoons suck.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
I don’t have bumper stickers because I don’t believe in anything strongly enough to potentially get my car keyed.
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
I’m drinking because you’re talking.
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
Sometimes I like to lie in bed, stare at the ceiling and think what it would be like to stare at other ceilings.
Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.
Maybe one day a loooong time ago a kid decided to play hide and seek with his pet Bigfoot but just didn`t explain the game properly.
The truth might set you free, but lying might keep you out of jail.
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.
If you come up to my bedroom door and find a sock on the knob it means I`m having sex ... Probably with the other sock.