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I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
Easy baked macaroni and cheese recipe: Boil macaroni in water.... follow the rest of the instructions on box. TADA!
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
You say stalker. I say unpaid private investigator.
Why is it when you go to get your drivers license photo, they tell you to smile. Your not smiling when the police pull you over.
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.
My wife told me, "I look really fat. Please make me feel better and compliment me." I said, "You have perfect eyesight."
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting. I nearly couldn`t finish my sandwich.
yes I have a dirty mind, and yes you are in it...
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.
She texted me: "your adorable." I replied: "no, YOU`RE adorable." Now she likes me, but all I did was point out her typo.
Not to brag or anything, but I don`t need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
My boyfriend isn`t allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.