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You poor thing. You don`t even realize you`re batsh!t crazy, do you?
You and I are just different. And by different I mean you`re stupid.
Just burned 2000 calories. That`s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap.
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)
Guys if a woman shaves hers legs she wants you to touch them..... You just have to make sure she knows You.
Day 8. You should be thankful that I`m medicated
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
There is a method to my madness….and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable
Some people think I`m quiet, others wish I was.
Boobs are like the Sun. You can stare at them directly just for a few seconds, but if you put on sunglasses, you can stare as much as you want!
“Screw it” – My final thought before making most decisions.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole....
Just got rid of 150lbs of ugly fat ... Got divorced.
A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf.
I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.