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Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It`s not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color
I guess at a job interview "firing you" is not an acceptable answer when asked where I see myself in a few years.
My shrink says if I take these pills I won`t see you guys anymore.
Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we continue to fly…on a broomstick. We’re flexible that way.
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.
I was all ears until you said something that sounded like advice.
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
I wish my life had background music so I could figure out what the hell is going on.
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
I don`t think the guy below me understands how this works.
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
Family and Friends - I am FAR too busy to listen to any of your problems or concerns *Googles do penguins go to heaven?*
My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I`m proud of him, I doubt he`ll make a lot of sales in the backyard.
Who ever says "words can`t hurt you" has never been hit in the face with a dictionary.