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I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
I didn`t text you. Vodka texted you.
Life is not like a box of chocolates. Its more like a jar of jalapeños, what you do today can burn your a$$ tomorrow
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
Relationship status: Runs alone at night in hopes of being abducted.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I love to punch in the face.
Tonight I’m going to have my favorite drink. It’s called “a lot.”
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
If by cat person you mean I like to sleep all day and poo in sand then yes I am a cat person.
Sometimes, even I`m afraid of the things my mind comes up with.
"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.
It`s not "you`re" or "your". It`s mine. It`s all mine, everything is mine!
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?