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Sometimes it`s nice to know karma is still a feisty little b!tch.
If you’re gonna flip out on your Facebook, don’t delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.
When you write misspelled backwards it`s misspelled.
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a lot of wine drinking.
"2 weeks with my baby xoxoxo" lol,calm down romeo&juliet.
On average I spend $75 a year to watch bananas turn brown.
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
I’ve realized I get ridiculously nervous driving behind semi’s or trucks carrying sh!t that could fall out and impale me all because of final destination 2.
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
I should be asleep, but there are a lot of things I should be.
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
Moral compass? Is there an app for that?
Ain`t no sandwich when she`s gone.