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I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
If we aren`t supposed to be too close to the microwave then why do they show us food twirling around in there?
You would never know I had a college degree if you saw how many times I tried to push when it says pull.
In my defense, I was left un-supervised...
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
Would stiff nipples be a good name for my air conditioning company?
My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
I`m honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
Saw a bird sh*t on my car, so I ate scrambled eggs on my front step, just to show him what I`m capable of.
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
The only difference between Black Friday and a zombie apocalypse is that zombies don`t care if you get the last iPad Mini.
Are you reading this from a toilet? I`m writing this from one.
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.