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For once I’d like to get kicked into a bar
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
"F@ck It" has gotten me through a lot of situations.
3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.
How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She`s quiet 2.She`s yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you
"Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
Bored, so I’m going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him I’m him from the future.
The only thing us men clean at home is our browser history
Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
I don`t hate you, but I hope you fall in love and get married.
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.
Write me your opinions on this extra soft paper and leave it next to my toilet.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true!