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My top 5 exercises: -Jumping to conclusions -Flying off the handle -Carrying things too far -Dodging responsibilities -Pushing my luck
thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when Iām sober.
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes...
great minds and dirty minds have something in common, they think alike
If you ever question yourself, your life choices, your sanity...just watch an episode of Hoarders and you`ll be all good.
Wow.. I didn`t know spandex could hold that much.
Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
Do you ever order a club sandwich just to feel like you`re a part of something?
the real full form of M.B.A....Married But Available
I did not mean to hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I just figured you already knew.
Sometimes it`s easy to forget we would all violently murder each other if we couldn`t obtain basic food or water. Have a great day guys.
My neighbor`s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
Remember, I`m always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on.
The girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.. so I went out and got drunk.
If you think your girlfriend has a great sense if humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.