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People assume when I yawn that I`ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
Dear college students, Sorry about your GPA. - Netflix
Computer froze? Just press all the keys.
If you ever need anything please don`t hesitate to ask someone else first.
Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
How can you tell if a smurf has the blues?
If I was a Jedi there is a 100% chance that I would use the Force inappropriately.
That horrible moment when the TV commercials are so long that you forget what you’re watching…
Not all men cheat. Some of you women just assume you’re in a relationship with the guy.
I`m so lonely I drive around town with a coffee cup glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
If you enjoy being the 10,000th person to put your thumb into a hole, then bowling is for you.
I’m not crazy just the voices are!
One thing the porn industry has taught me is that this summer I defiantly need to get a job as a poolboy.