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Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn`t in the search results.
I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
One of the major benefits of using a combined 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner is having enough room leftover on the shower caddy for the beer.
So glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how much I’m understanding what other people are saying.
These ‘energy saving’ light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
I`m the crazy bitch you`ll never forget.
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
Messing up a guy’s hair = cute. Messing up a girl’s hair = putting your life on the line.
Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn’t even be nominated.
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
The girls who don’t get a rose on The Bachelor should automatically get a cat.
Help I`m covered in chameleons & no one believes me
It’s not pretty being easy.