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Ha! Who`s laughing now, f*ckers that took your Christmas lights down last year!
I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
My life is a movie. One of those movies where most of the people start leaving right in the middle of it.
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.
exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
Don`t get into a relationship with someone unless they love you as much as Kim Kardashian loves Kim Kardashian.
This is not meant for you. Look away. STOP LOOKING AT IT! :)
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.
Note to self: you never read these notes so stop writing them.
I`m on my 5th coffee, just in case you`re wondering about the "other way" to get to Narnia .
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.
"I can`t wait for New Years to be over!" -my liver