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Long story short, I love summaries.
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
Let`s lay in bed all day & trade sexual favors for trips to the fridge
There are 3 levels of pain. 1. Pain 2. Excruciating pain 3. Stepping on a Lego
oh look at the time, it`s time to not care
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
i hope your life is as long and useful as this roll of toilet paper!!!
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
When someone walks away from me shaking their head, I totally agree.
I`m Dave, or as the ladies like to call me... "Hey, you! Behind the bushes!"