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It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%…unless you’re donating blood…
Sh!t`s spiraling out of control and I`m all like "wheeeee."
You really understand how drunk you are when you`re peeing...
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
The way dogs get excited when you throw a tennis ball is the way I feel about my first beer after work.
The color 9 is my favorite letter.
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.
The general rule is that you shouldn`t ride an elevator during a fire, but I mean, talk about a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
I won employee of the month!!!…. again! I love being self employed.
Whenever I receive a text saying bahaha, I like to believe you are a sheep on drugs.
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.
I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon. And I was raised better than that.
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of