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Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left behind by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
The best things in life are free, but they still screw you on shipping.
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
Do not drink and drive.. because there are people out there who text and drive... and they will hit you and it will be your fault !!
Before I die I`m going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
Please don`t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I`m awesome doesn`t mean I like you.
The funniest thing about being sober is to realize you were so drunk last night you were texting all night with a calculator.
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."