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I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
Every-time I run I hear Mario Brothers theme song in my head, and look for things to jump over.
Your car took up two spaces, I tried to move it over with my key.
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
I enjoy being the black sheep of the family ... Black sheep are the prettiest & don`t show as much dirt as the white ones.
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
Currently in the planning stages for a hangover.
The last 10 seconds of every voicemail my grandmother leaves me is her trying to hang up the phone.
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
Those "Speed Enforced by Aircraft" signs don`t understand how eager I am to get pulled over by an F-16.
Fact: You wish Facebook had the middle finger button.