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What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
I have been snoring a lot lately and apparently my coworkers find it distracting
Let`s all play a game: For every political post, you must post 5 non political posts. #makefacebookhappyagain
I`m getting so many spam emails. “Grow Your Hair Back”…”Lose weight now” …”Enlarge your manhood”… Wait… these are from my wife.
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
I`m proud to announce that I`m still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don`t know we`re racing.
I just saw a guy take a bite of Kit Kat bar without breaking it apart first! Sir, we live in a society with rules, please adhere to them.
New Life Goal: Get a job where people ask me, "You actually get paid for doing this?"
Just when you want to be a good person again , someone new to stalk shows up
I didn`t come here to make friends. I go to the cat shelter for that.
Some people are flirting with my delete & block button
Daylight Saving Time rocks. It even makes laziness sound impressive. I did nothing for 24 hours? Not today. I did nothing for 25 hours!
I’m bored, think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on for awhile.