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When they discover the center of the universe, alot of people will be shocked they`re not in it.
If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
So how many women out there think men are pigs? Gimme a show of tits!
A Smart car Zoomed past me And vanished into a pothole.
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people.
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
Porn & love songs. Destroying reality forever.
This is not meant for you. Look away. STOP LOOKING AT IT! :)
I wish that some of my coworkers were not allowed in the break room because those are the people I need a break from.
I have a condition that renders me unable to go on a diet… I get hungry.
My wife can suffer in silence louder than anyone I know.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I hope they let me back in Walmart.