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Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
My eye problems starts on Mondays and ends on Friday evening. I see clearer after the fourth bottle.
Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
I watch CSI for the great tips they give out.
The length of your "About me" section on Facebook is directly proportional to how annoying you are in real life.
I`m done chasing people who aren`t willing to do the same for me. After today, the ice cream man can go f*ck himself!!
I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
Most of my thoughts have been coming from a very dark place lately. That`s what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
I feel like doing something productive today. If I sit here long enough, maybe it will go away.
I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
Judging by the way some women wear makeup it`s rather obvious they didn`t excel at coloring as a kid ...
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."