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If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
"Kids are great when you need help around the house." - People who don`t have kids
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.
I just saw a disclaimer that said “don’t try this at home”, so I tried it at my neighbors house.
To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for the reaction.
Which one of you is Moderation? I keep getting told we need to drink together.
I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
I eat my Chinese food just like any other American, with chopsticks, one grain of rice at a time.
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
Note to self: you never read these notes so stop writing them.
I never want to go to sleep less than I do at bed time.
You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? WHY!!??
Facebook is great, but I still miss the good old days of writing down my random thoughts and sliding them into stranger`s pockets.