Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I`m not actually pregnant.
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
I would gladly believe in a religion that gives me free pizza and says people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the center go to hell.
three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere "Hold my purse."
The key to a successful relationship: Tools > Internet Options > Clear history.
Office thermostats only have 2 settings: hell fire and hypothermia.
Our neighbor said he wouldn`t mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
Why isn’t the default for online shopping “view all”? Who likes to skip through 20 pages of only 12 items…
On the bottle of mouthwash it says "24 hour protection", so why do the directions say "Use Twice Daily"?
Asked my wife if she would be my friend on FB again, she said no. She said my “funny” status updates are annoying. Therefore, I must conclude she loves me for my body...
Girl are you a University of Phoenix degree because I`m pursuing you online and from my couch
When reality kicks in… add more booze.
Of all the advice given to me over the years, “There really is no bad time for a beer” has proved to be the most helpful.