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You know you`ve won the argument when the other person responds with "Whatever..."
Lots of people waiting in lines today. Did a new iPhone just come out?
Wine with crackers and cheese is basically just the classy version of beer and nachos.
pudding... thats always a funny word
I don`t like thinking before I say something. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth
Ever notice that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth?
If your wife asks you if you know where the broom is, it`s not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
Wow, I just melted a piece of ice by staring at it. Took a little longer than I thought it would.
Time to walk the cow and milk the dog, Happy Hump Day!
My Wife says I talk while I sleep..........but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
If I`m ever in the hospital on Life Support, don`t just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.
Facebook is the reason why my work is not done.
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!