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Time flies when you’re having a drunken blackout.
only fights if pillows are present.
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
Just got in 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick an ice cube up off the kitchen floor.
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
Most days the best thing about my job is that my chair spins
I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed. ;)
Do you think that the guy that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
I`m flattered that you took time out from your lack of a life to judge mine.
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
I wish I could forget you as easy as I forget my passwords.
My “I hate you” face must look a lot like my “I’m loving this conversation” face.
Nothing`s more embarrassing than that pantsless walk to get more toilet paper. I felt like everyone in CVS was staring at me.
Some people come into your life as blessings, others come into your life as lessons.