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I can`t understand why women are okay that JCPenney has an older women`s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
Nothing says “I don’t take you seriously” like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
If intelligent people don’t start having babies as fast as the trash in “honey boo boo”, we’re headed for a very dumb future. Am I the only one that sees this?!
I bet if you were in a city getting attacked by huge sci-fi monsters youd run and scream but in the back of your mind youd be like “awesome”
Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can`t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
Hi everyone! Welcome to AA. This is a "judgment free" zone...unless we`re talking about Janice who ate all the cookies last week.
Don`t ya wish you could hold people up to the light like a $20 bill to tell if they`re fake or real?
The lady next to me in the elevator told me to press One. That was the last thing I remembered
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don`t try to run her life and I don`t try to run mine.
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
The wife has been missing a week now, police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.