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life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
Please don`t wear skinny jeans if you don`t have skinny genes.
I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
Please don’t take anything I say personal or too seriously. I’m just an idiot with internet access.
Was at an Apple store today when I let out a really loud fart. Boy, the employee`s were so mad. Hey, Not my fault they don`t have windows!
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
When my kids grow up, I’m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I’m bored & then just leave!
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
The party`s not over `till you smile for the mugshot
Celebrities on drugs, politicians having affairs, aliens living mail boxes....I love standing in the check out line, its better than the library....and it has food.
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg, and some days you`re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.
Politeness has become so rare, that some people mistake it for flirting.
If something`s worth doing, it`s worth doing rihgt.