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You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
Wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? lol jk, there`s no pizza
When you screw up, menopause can be a wonderful excuse for stupid things you do or say!!!
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
Where there`s a will I want to be in it
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
Nice meeting you, but I forgot your name as soon as you said it...
I wonder if there are birds that prefer not to sing in the morning and that just roll around in their nests until noon.
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts “Batman” when he’s drunk. I know I do.
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
I like going into McDonald`s and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.
I want a man who loves me for my personality. Is it really to much to ask, I mean I do have several to pick from.