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I always carry a lighter in case I end up at an impromptu concert...or need to set someone`s house on fire. Either way, I`m prepared.
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
I`m not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to sh!t indoors.
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
I like to follow random families around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all their photos.
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
Save water- shower with me!
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y`all.
I was just watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury.. No worries, I should be okay in a couple of days..
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women`s facial expressions. Main reason? They usually aren`t looking at her face.
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.