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Whatever you do in life, always give 100%…unless you’re donating blood…
Some people have a natural talent for stupid. Others take that talent and actually ENHANCE it!
If I could trade places with anyone for a day it would have to be on the day I die. I wouldn`t want to be me on that day.
All my bills say "outstanding", I guess that means I`m good to go!
No PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on Facebook.
Non alcohilic beer, for people who like to pee but hate that annoying buzz.
What if dreams are just glimpses of alternate universes?
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
I don`t always get to drink free beer... But I just happen to know my neighbor went to the night shift, and I saw him filling his fridge today.
What do women say when they are actually fine?
One of the best uses I`ve ever found for invisible ink is when I signed my marriage license with it.
Are you smarter than a 5th grader? Wait… Regular or Asian?
I just keep telling myself you guys don`t have sex either.
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?