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Note to self: It`s time to grow up, be responsible, and act like an adult. Self to Note: Shut the f*ck up.
Can you imagine the reactions 25 years ago if you showed someone a photo album of pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
The first rule of Right Club is that your wife is the only member of Right Club
Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
Turtle: I`m the slowest. Snail: No, me. Internet Explorer: Bitch, please
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn`t realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It`s causing quite a stir...
Is Nudeism a religion?
I was halfway through a recipe when I read the instruction "Now chill in fridge for at least two hours". I only managed 30 minutes. I was freezing.
All I want is to see you smile...that and maybe a pizza.
I hate it when I open my fridge and get punched by a bear... =/
The true trollers are the ones who troll the trolls.
I`m ABSOLUTELY positive I`d accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."