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There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
I hate waking up all hungover, eyebrow shaved, and a d!ck drawn on my face ... Especially since I was drinking alone last night.
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
I just realized that the only time I`m good at dancing is when I`m about to pee my pants
I was enjoying our conversation, but then I stopped talking and the whole thing got really boring.
Self-Checkout lanes were invented by a guy who was sent out to buy tampons.
Daylight Savings makes us lose an hour... It’s kind of like Facebook.
I need to learn the rules to make sure I don`t accidently follow them
I have tons of friends! Well i only have one... but she ways a ton!
I never thought you could really guess too low whenever a woman asks you her age. I guess 6 was pushing it.
My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device. I call it "No air conditioning".
My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.
I have nothing!
You know how sometimes as you fall asleep your whole body jolts you awake? That`s a ghost finishing sex with you.