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Accidentally bought a bag of raw almonds. Turns out I don`t like almonds, I like salt.
When I hear someone say, "chicken pot pie," I get excited three times.
I don’t know why Tampax and Hershey have not joined forces yet. Taping a pack of Reese’s to a box of tampons could literally save lives.
That awkward moment when you buy a pack of condoms and your wife ask. what you gonna do with those?
Some people just lack the ability to realize that everyone in the room wants them to shut up.
To-Do List : Nothing[?]
That Awkward Moment when you’re being sarcastic and someone believes you.
No one has ever been in an empty room.
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
Whenever I see a woman breastfeeding in public, my first reaction is to get in line.
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you’re hot.
For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea`s TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...
You get wasted, swear to much, and your morals are questionable. You`re everything I`m looking for in a friend.
Instead of LOL, try SALTS ( smiled a little, then stopped)
is wondering if the hokey pokey is really what it´s all about