Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why do people say ”I saw it with my own eyes.” Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
Netflix is raising rates again? Man, whoever`s password I`m using has got to be pissed!
Everyone is gifted. But not everyone opens their present.
This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear….. I’m just fat.
Nothing says “I don’t take you seriously” like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
This guy keeps asking me to help pet his neglected, one-eyed trouser snake. What a sweet guy! I think he`s a vet. Ladieeees! A doctor!!
Meal prepping is basically eating a week`s worth of leftovers from a meal that never happened.
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....
If you can`t read the bottom of the eye chart, spell something dirty. Eye doctors love that sh!t.
I wonder if my neighbors are more tired of hearing my dog bark or me screaming at it to shut the f*ck up.
I Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing