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I sleep better when I`m naked why can`t my boss understand this?!
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
Why do they write PIZZA all over the box? What else could possibly be in there???
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
I didn`t sleep well last night so this morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. Half way to work I realized I forgot my car.
It’s never too late for a coffee. After all it’s always morning somewhere in the world.
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
I`m pretty sure the phrase "sleep tight" originated in prison...
Nothing says "I`ve already given up on this day" quite like a Taco Bell breakfast.
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them much more often
Ain`t no sandwich when she`s gone.