Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
I`m so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign And before that ... we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that sh!t.
My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy, if you put it in your stomach first.
I went for a 6 mile run tonight. The police are getting in much better shape these days.
Cut out the middleman and just list 911 as your emergency contact.
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
Alcohol is never the answer...unless, of course, you ask what I`ll be doing tonight.
If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
my entire life is a "had to be there" moment
I like to go to the bathroom with the door open, because it keeps other people from getting onto the elevator with me.
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
The biggest lie I tell myself is: “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
I’m trisexual, as in, I’ll try to have sex with you.