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Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
I swear my cat was an alarm clock in a previous life...
I just realized there are more toes in the world than people
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
No great story started with someone drinking water.
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
If my fridge had glass doors I would still stand there and hold the door open.
If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
If I haven’t embarrassed myself in front of you… don’t worry, it’ll happen.
Life is all about tough decisions such as… Getting enough sleep or staying on the internet.
Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news - his ring is missing...