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I believe in karma that means I can do bad things to people I don’t like and assume they deserved it.
Son: "Dad, can you write in the dark?" Dad: "Uh, I think so, why?" Son: "I need you to sign my report card."
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
Fun: text a friend "Are you alone right now?" They go "Yes." Then u text back LOL
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
I need a partner in wine.
Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with my car.
I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.
I hate when I accidentally eat everything in sight.
I´m not insensitive, I just don´t care.
A bachelor party seems more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
Is it just me, or would those movies had been far scarier if they were titled "Monday the 13th"