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I think I need to return my GPS...no matter what it can`t help me find easy street
I`d offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.
wants to come back as a bird after I die.... just so i can sh!t on the people who piss me off.
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
6 inch - about right, 7 inch - cant complain, 8 inch - f*cking perfect, 9 inch - a bit much, 10 inch - its hurting my insides, 11 inch - I cant take it anymore, 12 inch - I`m absolutely f*cking destroyed ... Aren`t pizza`s just awesome.
I haven`t talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn`t want to interrupt her.
Just bought an exercise bike today because my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won`t accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
Any machine is a smoke machine if you just use it wrong enough!
NASA has confirmed that December 21, late afternoon, the sky will be very dark. It is an interesting phenomenon called "night".
Don`t be that guy that goes around saying "Don`t Be That Guy."
My GF`s anti aging cream went bad ... How does anti aging cream have an expiration date?!
I drank so much vodka last night I woke up with a Russian accent.
“Nothing is impossible.” I disagree. I’m doing nothing right now… it’s totally possible.
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.