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Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts..
Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam`s ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than the right breakfast cereal. Lucky Charms for me please!
Remember they’re just as afraid of seeing you dance as you are of dancing.
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
Hey Ladies..Prince charming is Gay and living with Mr. Right
the kids next door have challenged me to a water balloon fight. just updating my status while waiting on the water to boil.
I enjoy going to costume parties that have a theme. ..."Nude Beach" is my personal favorite.
There is no angry way to say `bubbles.`
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
Fact: Turtles can breathe through their butts. And I thought I had bad morning breath.
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!
Trivia - It turns out that Alexander the Great was not all that great. But in those days, nobody had the guts to call him Alexander the SO-SO
Anyone who calls it a "day off with the kids"... Either has no kids or doesn`t know what "day off" means.