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The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
I hardly know you…. but, Facebook says it’s your birthday, so happy birthday!
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
You know you`re old when all of the bands you listened to growing up have several greatest hits albums.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
What if the stickers are the only thing Made In China?
If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don`t think this relationship is going to work.
Some people want a perfect relationship. I just want a cheeseburger that looks like the ones in commercials.
Unless you fell on the treadmill, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
I broke up with my gym, we were just not working out.
If you think you have problems, remember that Malaysian man who told his wife he was flying to China... and now he can`t get out of his girlfriend`s apartment...
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you’re ignorant and make bad decisions.
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.
What`s with this `running with scissors` bullsh!t? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?