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Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
In sign language, arthritis is a speech impediment.
In today`s world, the key to success is to delete your Whatsapp account!
Do you ever get up in the morning and look in the mirror and say, "that can`t be right"?
Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat.
I`ve had such a bad week First my girlfriend got run over by a bus, then I lost my job.. ..as a bus driver
bored out of my mind in class i began staring into space... space happened to be right in front of me at the time...
Just spent the last 30 minutes cutting a Batman mask off the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios & my kid thinks he`s gonna get to wear it.
I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....
I need a new bad decision.
Honking your horn is fun but rolling down your window and screaming “honk” at people is just way more satisfying.