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Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number? ...hmm
I never care whether or not my glass is half full or half empty... cause I drink straight from the bottle!
Maybelline claims to make eyelashes appear three times longer…..I think they should start making condoms.
Just watched The Grey. The wolves left half the Mexican .. to spicy??
I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks.So if you`re swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
Rick Ross be rapping about cars he can`t even fit in.
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
Typical: you have nothing to wear for a party and suddenly the rabbits, the birds and the mice begin to sew you a dress
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
So I wanted to publicly apologize for not doing the ice bucket challenge for everyone that nominated me. I don`t give money to charity, unless she is on stage B at 11:30.
"Huh?" (my thought for the day)
I`m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest any of you in despair and disappointment?
My friend David had his ID stolen yesterday. We just call him Dav now