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Coffee...Meet your Maker!
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
Haters gonna hate, your honor
My house looks like I`m losing a game of Jumanji.
If you`re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
I’ve already decided, if I ever go to The Price Is Right, I’m gonna “come on down” whether they call my name or not.
My wife`s credit cards were stolen last week. I haven`t reported it yet though...because so far, they are spending less than she was.
Could you imagine if guys commented on their guy friends` profiles the way girls do? "Bro, you look so handsome" "Looking hot, man!" "OMG, your jawline is cray" "Ugh, how are you this perfect dude? I`m jelly" "sexy much?!"
Your girl always on her knees. What she forgot she had feet?
I only hug people when I need to wipe my hands off.
It’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight..
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?