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Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
This guy keeps asking me to help pet his neglected, one-eyed trouser snake. What a sweet guy! I think he`s a vet. Ladieeees! A doctor!!
I should`ve married myself. I`ve never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever.
Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator.
I think, therefore i`m single.
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
wants to rock and roll all night
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
The inside of my fridge: evidence that I’m still not a real adult.