Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree is my favorite tale of honesty, integrity, and giving a child an ax
I donate blood 5 times a year just so I`m less and less related to some of my relatives.
It takes a smoke detector 4 months to stop beeping if you were wondering how lazy I am.
Wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? lol jk, there`s no pizza
I`m constantly bombarded with requests to check out `Candy Crush`… well I`ve spent hours searching the porn networks… I can`t bloody find her!
I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
Imagine how bad it would be if everyone could hear what you were thinking.
Marriage. Because dodging your own family wasn`t enough.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Finally down to my pre-pregnancy/pre-kids weight...well...before my wife had kids I mean.
We all need that special person in our lives that makes it worth while to shave our pubes.
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
Despite what people may tell you, its the fat that makes you look fat... NOT the dress!! lol
Me, on phone to credit card company: What if you just break my kneecaps and we call it even?
My exercise routine needs to include a little more than opening difficult pistachios.