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For daylight savings, we should move the clocks forward an hour on Monday at 9 AM so that we lose an hour of work instead of sleep.
Dear parents of college students on Spring Break, Congrats! Many of you are about to be grandparents!
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
Why am I always right but people still ignore me...?
Some Facebook friends are like ghost you dont see them but you know their there
Saying something stupid and thinking “Yeah, that sounded way better in my head"
Only a fool trips on what`s behind him.
Is it bad when I´m talking to myself and I´m not even listening?
It`s such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!
I’m dedicating this status update to all the status-less people out there. Stay strong.
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I’m feeling pretty awesome!!
I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards