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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
Stovetop Directions: 1.) Use microwave.
Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That’s why I never take baths...
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
I don`t think any of my vampire jokes will ever see the light of day.
Strip search? ... Fine, but I`m going to need some background music.
Stalin should have known communism doesn`t work. There were red flags everywhere.
Talk to your kids about drugs. Maybe they have better connections than you.
Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2.
If something rolls off of my plate... I eat it first, as punishment for trying to run away.