Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
That mini heart attack you get when the parked car next to you moves and you think you’re moving.
(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
I think pet shops should give a free laser pointer with every Cat purchase.
There comes a time in the day, when no matter what the question, the answer is booze.
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
Dear Costumer Service: I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to you?
You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.
This year, I`m thankful for all the people that included me in their mass texts wishing me a "Happy Thanksgiving," now I know which numbers to block when Christmas comes around.
I got a Rolex for my birthday from my lesbian friends. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
My house is not a mess. It`s just that everything is on display for your viewing pleasure. Like a museum.
I`m that friend you have to explain to people before you introduce me... And apologize for after.